Saturday, April 12, 2008

Is it supposed to be this way?

I was looking forward to getting out of college.. Finally… But suddenly I feel someone has pulled the ground from under my feet. Last time around I was feeling so liberated when this got done, but now I have this heavy sinking feeling…
Most of my routine has been forged going to and coming back from college, homework, projects and last minute studying. Suddenly I feel adrift, without purpose or reason… with more questions than answers.
No more getting up at 5.30 in the mornings and tumbling into college. Sleeping through the boring lectures and enjoying the interesting ones. No more teacher imitations and canteen food stealing. Wonderful, bittersweet memories.
One of my identities has been on a roll call, reiterated every morning, part of a class of 60.
This is the end of something precious. The end of life as I knew it…

2 comments:

Drashti said...

i felt exactly the same! a break in the routine of 3 yrs is no joke.. it just feels so damn vaccumized! i cant tell u.. u feel damn insecure and impatient that what the hell will i do tomorrow? whom will i be able to meet? college was that one place where 80 of us (during my batch there were 80 :P) met, fought,loved, cared, shared.. i remember what one of my friends said wen i was interning in Star one. 'Enjoy your college days drashti. You will never get them back again.'

Smiling Serpent said...

there was a time when i regarded my insomnia as the bane of my life. after i dont know how many years, i've gotten used to it. nights when i'm able to sleep, the next morning feels weird. i miss the feeling of moving around on a half charged battery. seeing and thinking clearly seems unusual.

sometimes, things you want to end, go away, be free from, can get addictive.

this was the first thing that struck me while reading your post. as for missing college, i was never attached to it anyway, so i dont really miss it so much, apart from a select few aspects.

you're on the threshold of a new chapter in your life, satzee, wish you all the very best!